Young Adults

It’s Funny ~ Kerry Iyua

It’s funny when I hear people say that they’ve came close to death at least once in their life, or that they’ve seen their life flash before their eyes at one point.  For me, I got a near taste of death the moment I was born.  It was a cold Thursday morning in early March, my Mum was preparing for work and my older siblings for school.  According to how the story goes, I was supposed to be the first to arrive to this world, but instead I’m actually the second.  And there’s a reason.  I am a twin, the younger twin to be exact, and like I said I was actually suppose to be the first to enter this world but something very unique happened.  As my brother and I were leaving our Mum’s womb, my brother literally “kicked” me back in.  At first I found that hard to believe but it’s exactly what happened.  What resulted in what may sound like a funny story suddenly became something serious and life-threatening.  I returned to that sacred womb and with my sudden frustration, I grasped and wrapped my umbilical cord around my neck.  Slowly, I was choking.  This soon caused severe complications for my Mum.  I continued with the tightening and then I left the doctors with no choice.  They quickly sedated my Mum and performed a C-Section.  Time was and only the major factor because my very new life was in jeopardy! The doctors rushed and commanded orders left and right.  All hope almost seemed lost, but 23 minutes later, I finally arrived to this world.  According to the doctors, any longer in the womb I would’ve been dead.

            Growing up I was always known as one thing: I was too quiet.  And it was true.  I was the type of kid who hated to raise his hand to ask for anything, including to be excused to go to the restroom.  As much as I loved school, I dreaded raising my hand when something was confusing or if it needed more elaboration.  My friends were close but few.  I had a light, feminine voice that was constantly ridiculed and I was teased a lot.  I was sometimes picked on by bullies and a majority of them were of the same age, if not a few months younger but they were bigger and stronger.  I was what you’d call a “loner,” always doodling in my notebook, keeping to myself.  My greatest support was my twin brother.  He was the outspoken one, always said what was on his mind, and sometimes just didn’t give a damn and went with the flow.  But one thing was certain; he was the greatest asset to me.  We both enjoyed school very much and we really did have each others’ backs when the going went tough. 

            Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses.  At a young age, my weakness was Math.  I just couldn’t understand the darn thing and no matter how bad I tried at it, I just couldn’t get the concept of it.  However, my complaints, moans and groans didn’t shy my twin brother away, instead he tried harder with me. But my brother kept at my complaints, moans and groans, and nearly giving up altogether no matter what.  Soon, I understood it, then I looked forward to those problems.  My greatest strength was Language Arts (ironically that was my brother’s weakest point).  So, there was always that balance between us.  True, like most siblings, we didn’t get along here or there.  Our life was usually a competition between one another, especially in school.  For so long we were placed in the same classes together until one year, we decided to part ways and ended up in different classrooms.  It turns out it was one of the greatest decisions we’ve ever made because soon others began to see us as individuals, no longer as the “smart ones.”  I developed my own skills, faced my own troubles and problems and made school history plenty of times.  For three years in a row, I was crowned First Place of our school’s Annual Spelling Bee (once I even made it all the way to our County’s).  For so long, the young girls garnered the school’s highest honors: Valedictorian and Salutatorian.   Like I said, as soon as we separated, the competition became fierce and who would’ve guessed that we eventually earned those titles (I as Valedictorian).  Being twins is a big thing in Dine’ culture so our 8^th Grade Promotion was a huge turn out and we made it in our reservation newspaper and on the radio!

            My brother and I grew up with one major philosophy: We always saw the opportunity in every challenge, never the opposite.  We ended up going to high school off the reservation at a school that was both unfamiliar and very challenging.  We’ve encountered youth from various backgrounds other than Native Americans and being around them was very different.  Unfortunately, I thought I knew what I was getting myself into, but my old habits came crawling back.  Everyday, I was a dog with his tail between his legs.  But something unique was everywhere.  The other youth were no different than I was.  They were going through the same problems, same emotions and ideas as I was.  Although a majority of them came from the same school, they still felt distant. 

            It took me years to finally crawl out of that shell and the best part was that my “smarts” were the ones being noticed by everyone.  I mastered Mathematics like never before and I was honored by teachers for my skills of both that subject as well as English.  I took every opportunity I could to actually be myself among my classmates.  It was hard growing up being who you truly are.  In my high school, you were constantly judged by the music and movies you liked, the clothes you wore, the clubs you joined, and even your favorite foods.  Culture and tradition was looked upon as a joke, almost to the point of embarrassment.  I was that way and hardly embraced my true self.  I grew up that way with my family before I entered school.  We weren’t traditional, although I’m fortunate to say that both my parents are fluent in our Native language.  Again, I saw being a Dine’ as a joke, something looked down upon.  And that’s how I lived for so long until one day, I “woke up” and took a long look at myself and noticed something was dangerously wrong.

            In college, I had both a great time and a miserable one.  I met so many unique people, embraced the freedom of being a young man living on his own.  I was having a blast being a college student.  Before arriving to college, I managed to earn 30+ college credits from college courses I took in high school and that helped tremendously.  But in my first semester, I was given a course that I had already taken in high school and clumsy me, I figured if I stopped going to it, they’ll eventually withdraw me or notice that I’ve already taken that case.  But that’s not how it works in college.  Soon, the financial department was asking for money to pay for my tuition and not being awarded any scholarships whatsoever, I had no choice but to apply for loans and instantly I was approved.  Soon, that one bad grade messed up everything.  My grades suffered and the financial people kept calling.  So confused and bewildered, I didn’t know what to do.  The scary part was, many of my fellow Native American peers were going through the same situation, along with other issues.  Soon, I was kicked out of college and had to begin paying back my loans I was approved for. The best job I could find was at a burger joint in our school’s eatery.  I lied to everyone when asked how school was going.  I envied my friends and other students when they graduated with degrees.  For the longest time, I blamed it on being Native American – being lazy and just wanting to give up.

            But one day, everything changed.

            I made many mistakes growing up but my biggest one has to be not embracing who I am.  For too long, I didn’t like being Native American because of all the misunderstandings that came with it.  In college, I encountered some very misinformed people, especially in terms of who I was.  The top three most asked questions I came upon were: 1) How often do you get drunk? 2)  How much money do you get from casinos?  3) Do you speak Native American?  Not once have I ever came close to drinking or even tasting an alcoholic beverage.  My tribe didn’t manage any casinos at that time, and on the last one, I did something unique: I turned the question on them.  I asked them: Do you speak White, Black, Mexican, Asian?  Immediately, they got my drift.  It got me thinking just how misunderstood society is today, especially when it comes to Native Americans.  We’re like many other people but we still value our old ways and lifestyles.  Too many ethnicities nowadays are or already have reinvented themselves.  Unfortunately, Native youth are doing the same nowadays but at an alarming rate.  And I was one of them.  But it took several people to change that outlook for me.  And it took one special person to change my life forever.

            This person showed me that there’s no shame whatsoever in being who you are, no matter what race you belong to.  Cultures of all sorts are changing and sometimes for the worse.  People are lost and forgetting where they came from.  This is most true to almost all Native American cultures.  We have a very sad history dealing with trauma and unacknowledged pain and grief.  We’re still invisible to the world today.  Native youth are reinventing themselves to where they can’t even name a single leader of Native American history.  Statistics are emerging left and right, stating Native Americans have the highest of everything bad, from alcohol and substance abuse, to school drop outs, gang involvements, suicide, and domestic violence.  It’s sad that a majority of society today believes this to be the only thing associated with Native Americans.  That’s what they dwell on and place on people.  My great friend told me that things don’t have to be that way for anyone.  He told me that in our culture, we value many things that not many other cultures do.  Probably two of the most important things in Dine’ culture are self identity and self image.  As stated before, youth are reinventing themselves, especially Native youth.  They’re steering clear of their heritage, language, culture, and beliefs.  Something needs to be done and my friend is definitely changing that vicious cycle of Native youth not embracing who they are, the very same thing I went through at their age and younger. 

            When I go home to the reservation, I notice the same thing with rural Native youth.  What I went through years ago has gotten worse within a decade.  But nothing positive ever comes from looking at the negative outcomes.  Now, at 22 years old, I know so much more about who I am than I ever did years ago.  I’m doing my best in learning my language from the basics, my culture from many different points of view and aspects.  And now I’m doing the same for youth today.

            My friend and I work with Native and non-Native youth with various backgrounds and heritages.  We run an afterschool program as well as a youth coalition and we do our best in bringing awareness in the rising concerns of underage alcohol and substance use, violence of all sorts, suicide, and most importantly, lost of understanding of who they truly are.  For too long I saw my quiet self in youth today and I see it as a death trap.  I’m giving them the opportunities that never came my way when I was their age and the best part about it all, they’re taking advantage of all the great things my friend and I have to offer.  Many of them can’t wait to be in our program after school or during the summer.  They truly are an amazing voice in this world of tough and harsh times.  My youth are my greatest teachers because everyday they’re making me be a better and understanding individual.  They’re one of the many reasons of why I am proud to be who I am, a young Dine’ who’s continuously looking for all the opportunities in everything that life has to offer.